A blame I've always laid on my parents. Pointing my disbelief in their direction due to what seemed like endless failed attempts at a successful relationship.
On a personal level, I've never given into anyone. EVER.
Oh so casual with my dealings with men. Distant yet still perceptive of my misguided values.
Refusing to open myself to potential loss or love, or be available to anyones desire or deception.
I've considered this a survival mode and was satisfied with short, meaningless courtships.
Imagine my surprise, when one fine day, a man I've admired from afar for years, expressed similar interest.
It felt right from the start, almost like destiny was taking my hand and putting it in his.
For me there is a balance between complete elation one moment and fear of the unknown the next.
The smiles that go along with a budding potential once would make me cringe, but now have seeped into my every day routine.
Smiling.
Smiling at the thought of him. Smiling at his voice on the other end.
The outcome is unsure, the path is unseen. A path my cynical being never imagined going down.
But for once in my life, my eyes are open and my heart is willing.
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